whhheeee....

i m boreeddddd.... -_-"""

my dear asked mi ytd if i wanted to go night safari? how cool is tt.. lol.. night safari wor... a place which i have onli visited once... n its like in primary sch.. heee..

well well... i must find new hobbies to keep myself entertained.. if not i will realli miss him alot...

okok.. i am toking nonsense.. but its true ma.. if u got nth to do.. u would think abt stuffs.. n i just happen to always think abt him.. so ta da !..

blahz.. i am rambling stupid things again...
beng they all went zouk tonight... mambo!!!
i am so guai k.. i did not go... i wanna slp.... i need more time to finish it !! arrrghhh.... so little time....

ok... time to retreat into bed.. yea... zzzzz

I have been having serious panda eyes due to lack of slp.... for a couple of weeks or even mths !!!! All thanks to my clever idea...

N i tot it was so easy at first... but its so not.. took mi 4 mths to do it... ya.. i admit i did slack alittle in the 4 mths.. but still.. i must admit its not an easy feat for me...

tonight.. i decided to take a break.. n rest my eyes.. although the thing is not completed.. n i am like a gan chiong spider le... but i wanna zzzz...

went shopping wif charlene today.. lol.. both of us spent a great deal of time at the bra shop... lol.. getting fanatic over a particular bra.. ha! so shitter...

n we met up wif ahgong, gb and kl.. took a short walk around before going home...

I am tired !!!!

Its been awhile since i last updated.. shall do a short update on my cny..

1st day of cny
went to my 2nd aunt place... been a long time since i saw ling... lol.. chatted with her most of the time there.. after which was to my gugu's hse.. did not go due to some stuffs..
went over to lucas' place bai nian.. kind of scary cos his place was crowded with alot of ppl..
played sparklers with him n his cousins..
nothin much too..

2nd day of cny
accompanied him the whole day.. after which we went over to beng's place for steamboat .. lost alot at his place.. close to 70.. tsk..
went off early...

3rd day of cny
accompanied him the whole day too.. supposed to go jason's hse.. but eh.. did not go in the end.. lol.. lazy to explain..
caught the movie "fearless".. not a bad show...

4th day of cny
boring day... at work...
could feel i was getting sick... slept almost the whole day at work..

5th day of cny
went to the doc n got the day off...
n rested at home..
spent the whole day watching tv...

6th day of cny
Its a friday !!! yeay...
met up wif ahgong n gb at jp for dinner...
we went to watch Fun with Dick & Jane.. ha.. gb treated mi..
funni show !! all should go catch it.. lol..

7th day of cny
went to gb's place for steamboat...
met up wif char at bp interchange first.. met up wif gb, ahgong, jason n cp at jp..
supposed to go dbl o wif beng n all but sorriez ppl.. i really wasnt in a good mood..
played with ahgong's ps2.. n some mj session.. shiiter i lost again..
this year isnt a good year to gamble.. lol...

8th day of cny
yap.. today.. i decided to stay at home..
cos i think i am not in the right mood...
i need some time alone.. n i dont feel like seeing anyone.. =)
tata.. thats all.. cny is over soon..

I have been an ugly girl for the whole week.. wore specs everyday.. -_-

Starting to look for new jobs.. anyone wanna intro mi some?? lol.. kinda lazy to find.. but seeing that staying with this company would bring more harm to my future.. i buck myself up.. been searching thru the papers everyday.. n trust mi.. chemical engineers jobs are rare finds!

everyday at the company was chit chatting with chiew ling n walking rounds n rounds in the clean room cos there's simply nth for us to do ! talking to tt girl really makes mi think abt wat i want in my life..

Last fri acc him to chinatown to get new year decoration for his place.. on the way.. i finally told him how i felt abt our r/s.. n like i guessed it.. he doesnt even know tt he's been likdat.. I guess he must be pretty hurt as i mentioned that i really felt like giving at a point of time.. but i told him i stil cant bear to let go.. i hope we can work out the differences tog.. all was well.. =)

Saturday was spent at jerm's hse... union's reunion dinner... steamboat my fav ! hehe.. but its way too much ppl.. everyone's like a hungry ghost.. kind of put mi off.. so in the end mi spenc wee and rh ended up having our "miniature steamboat" ha!
yup, n tt night... was a terrible n messy affair.. jr got drunk.. n i guess its the first time he ever vomitted in his slp.. in the end the guys had to drag him into the toilet n bath him.. lol.. while mi lingzi n peisun cleared up the vomit n mucus mess he left behind... ewwwkks..

n Chinese new year's around the corner !! i really cant wait.. i dont know why... mayb cos its lotsa days of holiday for all of us.. ! =)

eye infection.... i learnt my lesson... gonna take good care of my eyes in the future...

cant even open my eyes on sunday night that i went to hospital for check up... turns out its serious infection of my upper eye lid... thank god my eye ball was not affected by the infection..

slept thru monday.. thankfully it starts to turn better.. i can finally see.. lol.. but with some blur vision.. so gonna turn into bed soon ! zzzz

ji dan !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

stupid idiotic brainless freak !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

arrrrghhhhh..........

seriously i really feel like killing someone... really feel like !!!!!!!!!
arrrrgghhhh........

-bang wall-
-bang wall-
-bang wall-

i wan to vent my frustrations !!!!!!!!!!!!! i can feel all of them bottling inside me.... just a small thing can ignite the blow le...

JI DAN !!!!!!!!!!!! WANG BA DAN !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

arRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PUI !

What's Your True Color?

You're yellow, the color of joy and energy — two things you definitely bring to everyone around you. It's hard for anyone to be sad or lonely in your presence; your sunny disposition and cheery outlook just won't allow it. The warmth of your personality shines through in the kindness you show friends and family (and strangers, too). Always ready with a lighthearted joke or heartfelt compliment, you know how to make people feel good about themselves, so they can't get enough of you. Yellow is a warm and inviting color for a warm and inviting person — you!

xmas is over.... i had the best xmas this year..

sat morning i was over at charlene's hse for some "vitamin D sessions" lol.. yup.. its tanning.. both of us talk till 12 plus n we went to wash up.. Acc her to TPY central and waited for tt zhu tou.. lol.. stil can late !

went home n took a rest.. supposed to meet up wif poly classmates.. but i decided to skip it.. cos i was totally broke.. cant afford to eat at marche.. haiz.. actualli i realli realli realli do miss all of them man..

prepare to meet up wif my dear.. on the way there.. was msg-ing sz to see if i could meet up wif them even for a short while.. i dont know why.. i just suddenly miss all my frens.. haiz.. but sadly i did not meet up wif them cos we skipped the town area, its too crowded.. =( so we went to marina instead.. n went sakae for dinner.. all this while, my dear was carrying the present he got for mi.. jidan ! made mi full of curiosity.. cos the box is so big n heavy.. well well.. he said he got mi a big rock melon inside.. lol.. watched the chronicles of narnia.. its a superb show ! were alreadi veri late cos the show finised at 11 plus.. n we definitely didnt wan to count down to xmas in the cab.. so rushed down to jerm's hse..

who knows.. wee called n asked us to get some things.. seriously i dont mind helping u guys get things.. but i was quite pissed off when u all still can request for the diff flavours of lolipop?! Dear n mi was like "Hur!" n when i cant find them, i called back.. i could still hear dont know whu saying tt dont care must find the flavour...
I admit i was pek cek.. tt i scolded cheewee.. sorrie ar.. but know why.. cos i was choosing the flavour, the whole queue was jammed up by mi lo... dotz.. totally speechless by this man..

anyway, both of us decided not to let this thing spoil our mood.. so we all hurried up n went over jerm's place..
a night of chit chatting, celebrating of wee's bday, bbq-ing, mj-ing and of cos not to mention.. drinking till high n seh.. ha..
i was a good girl ! i drank onli abit cos i wasnt feeling well.. but that also means a price to pay.. cos in the wee hours of the morning.. the only ones awake was mi, dear n jr.. both of them were so frickin determined to get drunk..

so just when they started toking nonsense.. rh barged into the kitchen n vomitted.. so imagine i had to take care of 3 guys !! damn tiring man.. but its a super funni sight ! haha.. cos 3 of them were hugging tog saying i love u i love u.. haha..
no words can describe the situation tt night.. imagine.. jr n dear woke everyone up.. n all started laughing at them.. i managed to get dear to vomit everything out.. n get him to slp..
as for jr.. hahaaaa... totally cracked us up !!! voted the comedian for the year le la... bth him !!!

oh.. anyway.. e present from my dear really really put mi into tears.. he wanted mi to open it up in front of all of them.. i was veri pressurized.. took a peek inside.. n oh my ! i saw the levis black spag top n skirt !! i was veri veri delighted.. didnt know that he would take notice of wat i wanted.. alreadi melted le.. n there was another gift wrapped up...
guess wat is it? e moment i saw it.. i burst into tears n hug him tight.. veri drama hur.. but ya.. i was moved to tears.. he brought mi the M:robe..

haiz... i really feel so pampered by him... he must have spend a bomb.. n now i feel so so so guilty.. booooo... next time when i go out shopping wif him.. i shall keep all the comments to myself.. hee..

I love u my dear !!
Merry Xmas my frenz !

xmas is two days away.. .. i am so stressed...
i know my dearie spent quite a lot for my present.. n mi? i did not get him anything.. cos i m totally broke.. hiaz..

i feel so bad..

i feel so bad..

but i still cant wait for tml to come.. going to take a trip down to orchard n take photos ! yipee.. =) of cos.. wif him.. whu else hur..

xmas is just around the corner !! I'm so sad.. i am totally broke.. i cant get my frens presents.. i cant get stuffs for him.. n with the xmas sales going round.. its the best time to go on a shopping spree.. why oh why must i be broke now.. of all times.??!!

I have been going shopping n shopping.. n planning for my new year's clothes.. last weekend was spent rotting at breko with dar, rh and wee.. some heart to heart talk.. it seems that i am really back to my happi state.. nothing seems to be able to dampen my spirit.. i learnt to accept things that are beyond my control.. i learnt to take things easy and cherish the ppl around me..

spent my sat with dar.. he said i am the girl that he trusts most.. though i was teasing him all the way.. but i swear to god.. i nearly melted.. to be trusted by someone u love is a great feeling.. =)

sunday was at sentosa with jr, beng and elaine.. really had fun with them.. haha.. after wards was dinner at orchard.. n all went kuang shopping last minute at the temporary stalls outside cine.. i nearly fainted ar.. almost everyone bought sth..

monday was another shopping trip with my dar.. he came all the way to pick mi up after work wor ! went to sushi tei for dinner.. its damn yummilicious.. haha..
shopping time.... ar.. i am so gonna buy that skirt from kai.. i wan bags.. shoess... birkenstock !!! n bikinis...
he bought mi a charm bracelet..... thank you my dear... =)
i feel so pampered by him....

ytd was a havoc night man..

lol... went to dbl o to celebrate cindy's 21st birthday.. Before that, i met up wif dear ! yeay.. finally.. i hug him the moment i saw him.. cos i miss him too much.. lol.. my dear was commenting on his look tt day.. he told mi he feel very gay... hahaha !!! bth him.. acc him go eat sushi even though i was veri veri full le.. hee..

met up wif elaine, wee, hc and charlene after my dear left for camp.. we went shopping.. mi n elaine can just disappear into a shop.. lol.. think they bth us.. haha.. went into levis shop n i saw so mani things i like !!! omg..

I like the purple jacket.. its super duper nice.. i saw the skirt.. n i like it alot alot !!... I saw the black spagg... n i love it !!!.. arrrr.. i want i want i want... i want the princess cut lady style jeans...
n at dbl o.. i saw a girl wearing the second batch of the lady jeans.. its so nice !!!!!!! i wan i wan i wan i wan !!!!!!!!! droolz...

ok.. anyway.. we shopped from far east all the way to ps.. looking for cindy's present.. n we finally found it at citigems.. a veri veri nice necklace hehe.. i wan citigems !!!! the jewellery are all veri nice !!!! lolx..

meet up wif rh, cindy, jr, beng for dinner.. n we went over.. towards the end.. most of us was seh le.. lol.. i actualli vomitted again..
so they bought mi out.. n i saw cindy alreadi outside.. lol.. so both of us jus sat there n rest.. so sorry man.. let all the ppl fuss over mi.. part time dont let mi rest.. keep asking mi stand up.. but i no energy at all.. so resulting in a very wobbly mi.. must be a funni sight ! haha..

lol.. tt stupid jr.. stil can come over pat my head say he promise next time dont give mi drink le.. I was so puzzled by this statement.. so i think he also veri seh liaoz.. haha.. n thru out.. he keep telling mi dont let him drink.. if not he sure ko.. so funni!
then he keep saying.. we all lack of 1 person.. if the person come, none of this will happen.. lol.. he keep saying why my dear dear nv come.. gao siao!

elaine n her fren send mi home.. so i rest on the cab.. but the moment i reach home i am so awake le.. haha.. but i think i made my dear angry.. cos i promise him i wont drink much.. in the end.. haiz..

anyway.. happy early birthday cindy ! hehe..

eeeewww..

i realise i have been having some boring life lately.. its been working non-stop.. n suddenly all the managers are treating mi like god.. faintz.. they wan mi to help them explain to HSA.. nuts.. but too bad.. i think i am gonna jump to a better company soon.. hee..

n my mom's recently in a very horrible mood.. most of the time she doesnt wan to acknowledge mi when i ask her how is she.. till today i finally know wats troubling her.. i have no idea how to comment.. but i certainly felt wat my brother did was super wrong n hurful to her..

haiz.. i miss my dear alot... been a week since i saw him.. booz

why must he be on tt stupid course.. bboooo...
ytd he asked if i feel neglected.. lol.. i told him.. "Ya.. of cos la.. ben dan.. if i dont feel a thing.. means i dont care abt u le.."
But i also told him i understand his situation so i dont demand alot of his attention..

But....

I stil hope to see him soon.. lolx..

booo...

k.. i am just bored.. time for zzz..

boring saturday afternoon..gonna bring my mom out to eat ltr.. was kinda disappointed when my bro just went out even when i told him so..

Met up with him ytd.. though just a short meet up.. i was still happy that he made the effort despite him being so tired from his course.. i know i keep changing my views on us.. I am just emotional unstable.. But over the weeks, i kept thinking.. n right now.. i know wat i wan..

ps: yummy just wanna say something.. a blog is for mi to write out all my feelings n tots at tt point of time.. it doesnt mean that i will act upon them.. n it doesnt shows all thats running through my head.. bcos thats alot of things that i cant say or i wont say out.. i just need a space for mi to vent my frustrations.. i believe its always better to jot ur tots down be it good or bad.. mature or childish.. its just a way i de-stress myself.. But thanks alot for reminding mi that i have to fight for gd things.. i totally agree with u.. =)

so why am i at home now?? lol..

i am damn tired out.. supposed to go to work today.. but i slept barely an hour.. so i decided to apply for urgent leave !! n continue pigging all the way till 1 plus.. =x

ytd was out with rh, wee, beng, jr, hanz, ql, elaine, cindy, lz, az, wl, wz and qy.. went to zouk to celebrate wx's birthday plus the return of jr ! lol.. definitely a night to rem.. first time i saw jr so heated up till he wanna whack someone..

Took us quite some effort to calm jr down n drag him back.. i admit i was veri scared during the whole incident.. i was veri shocked at jr's reaction but deep inside i felt a warmth that he cared so much for us.. i know he's stil veri worked up when he went back.. so i did try to talk to him n calm him down..

Curse the two fucking guys !!!! idiots..

n then beng was seh ytd.. i have no comments on tt.. but its so funni to see him walk in a zig zag manner ! lolz..

by the time i reached home was alreadi 4 plus 5.. i was super duper shag out.. resulting in the urgent leave today ! haha..

But watever happened ytd really set mi into thinking.. i cant say out how i feel cos i promise i wont mention it.. Just that life is so full of unexpected things.. n mayb as i grow up.. such things are getting more common.. so i kinda feel neutral abt it.. but i wonder if i can take it when it happens to mi..

recently i have been facing with some the down points in life.. i know some of my frens are too.. i try my best to help them n be there for them.. but i have to admit some of their negativity is really affecting mi alreadi.. i am trying to handle one problem at a time.. yup..

Everything seems to be normal now.. Yup, in the end, i stil cant let go..

But i feel the distance there.. we are like strangers.. n here i am wondering if it is that i am too sensitive..

Its been close to a week since i saw him.. I admit i miss him alot alot.. but yet i dare not voice it out..

He's been really very busy with his work n course.. I know everyday he's tired out.. I did not complain cos its not something that both of us can control.. I myself face with a lot of stress in my work too.

I dont wan to add on to the problems cos we have yet to even sit down n talk about the recent events..

Sometimes.. Jus sometimes.. i really feel he doesnt give a shit anymore.. I was so sad when i called him ytd bcos i was feeling veri giddy on the bus, but he just "cut" mi off even before i can mention anything.. I know i cant blame him.. so i decided not to say anything..

Indeed, i felt a little bit neglected.. But nvm ! I think i should use this period for some soul searching.. Self cultivation ! Hee..

what happen when ur mind n heart have different tots?

I chose to be rational this time.. although it breaks my heart.. but i know i have to do it.. I talked to rh during lunch.. I am trying hard to be strong le.. but yet i stil cried.. n i had to hide in the toilet for some time..

I love him so much that i wanna be selfish and hold on to him forever.. But i know i am tying him down.. I was veri touched when he said he could give up his clubbing lifestyle just for mi.. but i dont wan him to change bcos of mi.. I know not many girls can stand that their other partner is so into clubbing.. For mi i find it ok.. yes sometimes i do have weird feelings cos u nv know wat might happen.. But after a while, i will be ok cos i trust him.. veri contradicting isnt it.. haiz.. I am nuts.. i dont know wat i am toking abt..

I know he dote on mi alot.. For the past week, i have been reflecting on my own personality.. I am so sick of myself.. i know my temper is getting worse.. I know he's really giving in to mi when i experience problems in my life.. To the extent that i was veri lost n sad that i wanted to give up..

I think both of us experience unhappiness in this relationship.. Sometimes i just wondering if i am too petty or demanding.. I told rh that i do not expect anything from him.. Just some respect and a basic responsibility that he can account for his own actions thats all.. But all in all, of cos we had our happy times..

Ytd i went out wif my bro's frens.. Jeff said sth that i feel is quite true.. He told mi all relationships dont come easily..

But I dont wan him to suffer bcos of mi.. I really just hope that he stays happy.. so no matter how hard it is, i will give up.. I am tired.. i can no longer be sure that i will make him happy..

I had a super bad day at work.. not only was i feeling very unstable.. I start to feel stress at work.. All the managers were pushing more and more sop for mi to complete.. n their attitude wasnt veri good.. i was pissed off.. damn pissed off that i nearly cried..

n i am irritated by a colleague of mine.. he's so blur until he made mi do double work.. i really nearly went berserk when i got to know of this.. The QA manager is a computer idiot that the files i saved for her in the floppy was all lost ! n i had to re-do it.. haiz..

seriously all these are nothing compared to how i am feeling now.. suddenly there's no one beside mi to hear mi out, to dote on mi, to feel angry for mi..

i miss him so much alreadi..

Happi birthday to my brother !!!

Yesterday i went out wif him, kengyang, dehua & jeff to celebrate his birthday.. before that, i met up wif rh, wee, beng, charlene, hc n lucas for dinner at the suntec steamboat buffet.. i know i was being a little attitude towards him.. but seriously, i realli am confused la..

after which i waited for kengyang to fetch mi to some ulu pub to meet up wif the rest.. n i surprised my bro with a birthday cake ! lol.. n then is drinking n drinking la..
n i am pissed off with a stupid guy there.. its like my bro give him a piece of the cake.. then he dont wan say dont wan la.. keep forcing mi to eat.. siao de.. i nearly wanted to scold him man.. ji dan..
in the end all of us went to kbox.. n sang our hearts out ! haha.. realli siao siao de.. all so emotional.. n my bro just ko there..

went for supper before going home.. i was alreadi veri tired n a bit seh.. cos i got bluff by the stupid jeff.. qi si wo.. nvm..

today.. is a boring day.. i dont know wat to do.. i realli feel like confronting him.. but i know i should give him some time lo.. arr.. dont know la.. fed up..

This whole week sucks for mi...

I hate going to work.. it seems that for this week.. the managers are all in their pms moods.. and all of us got scolding for no freakin reason.. ya.. i admit most of us are slacking away.. but its u ppl who didnt gave us anything to do.. why? cos u guys just dont trust others but urself..

n when things arent going ur way.. u all start to throw tanthrums saying why arent we all not helping.. why are all of us doing our own stuffs.. its a team effort.. so it cannot be accomplished by just a few persons..

I am damn pissed off.. i shoot back at her... i know i shouldnt do tt.. but its damn unreasonable.. and when i shoot back.. she has nth to say.. why? cos she herself knows it isnt our fault.. she just wans to push the blame to us cos she has nothing to show the boss..

n shall i say that u guys are so damn inefficient.. just a few documents takes days n weeks to vent thru? just a few documents takes days to write?

what did they do? they throw everything at mi.. y? cos i am the onli one who is better in writing both english and chinese.. I am not a translator lo.. if u wan a translator.. go hire one.. can u imagine how difficult is it to translate chinese chemical terms into english.. u guys are manager lo.. so managers are supposed to know it all isnt it? if u all cant even do this.. wat makes u all think i can?

I am damn fucking pissed off.. but i stil manage to complete them.. i finish all the documents within 2 days.. mind u.. its 2 days onli... n they can give mi the excuse that as managers they have alot of other impt things to settle.. ya.. impt things like e-shopping? playing msn? how impt is tt ! yet, they say all these documents are impt cos its for the gmp.. shit u ppl.. if its so urgent, why arent u guys putting everything down to do it..

after i done the documents, they just cleverly took it to present to the boss.. n if there is any error.. they would say it is kaixin who did it.. fine.. if the big boss is to come look for mi.. i will make sure all of ur deeds get published out man.. ji dan lo..

so mani irritating n hypocrite people present in this company.. n now my whole production manager wans to quit.. n christie wans to quit too.. grrrr....

*******************
other than working n working.. i am stil worried about him.. i went shopping wif charlene.. n spent a bomb man.. i tok to ronghua n wee... but i stil feel veri lost.. its like some impt part of my life is suddenly gone..

i have to admit i wasnt in my right mood this whole week.. tears could find mi at any odd timing.. even when i am super busy wif work.. they just come.. n i know charmaine is experiencing the same thing as mi.. i cant be there for her..

but i am happy that she contacted mi when she was facing problems wif pax.. so both of us ended up crying while toking abt our situation..
girl.. i hope u solve things as soon as possible k.. i am not going to advise u on wat to do.. i know u urself know wats best for u.. so if u have made up ur mind.. stick to ur decision.. i will always support u de.. =)

ytd i tok to him.. i picked up alot of courage to just pm him.. and i finalli know wat he is facing.. i wanna help him.. i wanna be there for him.. but i dont know how.. cos i dont know wat are we now.. i am veri lost.. nevertheless, i was feeling veri happy when i went to bed last night.. n yes.. i slept soundly thru the night....

Know wat i feel like doing now... I feel like disappearing from the surface of earth... He's stil angry with mi i know.. n i know he's veri unsure.. Whatever he said to mi last night stil churning around in my head... its really veri hurting..

wee wee, charlene gal n agnes thanks so much for coming all the down to look for mi... n beng for talking to mi thru the night...

it sucks to be sick at this time.. i just reached home n i can feel my temperature rising.. going to rest soon ! haiz..

whats wrong wif mi? why did i have to shoot back at him n walk out of the room? sickening...

n i made so mani ppl rushing down to look for mi.. realli sorrie..

things are not going well for us.. for mi also.. why of all times i have to be sick, causing mi to be easily frustrated..

i dont wan him to be unhappi bcos of mi.. i know i m tie-ing him down..
i think i lost the determination to fight on..

I wanna complain !!! this been one whole week since i last saw my dear... stupid army make him slog so hard that he dont have time to slp.. so shitz... -_- n next wed he so suay got duty cant go zouk wif us !!! arrr.. i really wanna complain !!! ji dan... where got so unfair de.. everything also kanna him.. zzzz

he called mi one of the nights n said he felt veri miserable cos he neglected mi and he wanna cry le.. pengz..
i was dot dot dot.. speechless.. realli veri touch that i cried myself to slp..
Cos the thing is that i did not think much as it was part of his job, n to think he felt so terrible abt the whole thing, kept apologizing..

anyway.. this past week is working n working n saving like shit.. cos i m seriously super broke., never been so broke in my life b4.. so hc n cs' present got to wait le..sorrie guys.. hee.. realli no money ar.. waiting for my pay.. muahaha.. =p

finally...

i stil wanna complain !!! idiots.....

I know its late to say it.. but i am thankful for all those who remembered my birthday in a way or other. I was shocked when elaine, beng, dill, rh, wee, cindy & spenc got mi the brown roxy shorts ! They actually got it right ! n I was so pleased that Hc, Charlene & pupu(he has a new thai name-prataraponk, muahaha) treated mi to a feast of Fish & Co.

Other than that, Cs treated mi to sushi tei !! Damn yummilicious !! n tt poor guy accompanied mi to a whole day of shopping.. Xin Ku Ni Le.. He got mi a veri veri veri veri nice adidas jacket.. Yipee n delicious Godiva Chocos..
Char n cp celebrated wif mi at taka.. Short meet up but hilarious scene.. haha.. They got mi a beach towel in a baby jumper suit (damn kawaii) and a green crutch.. Thanks alot girls !!
n Lastly, my dearest got mi my levis lady jeans !! Though there weren't any celebration cos he sick but i know he did try extra hard to get the present n put everything tog w/o mi knowing, but he failed.. Muahaha..

Anyway, all these weeks are working n working.. The moment i reach home i ko.. Its frickin tired.. n now my dear gonna work on weekends.. equal lesser time for us.. never mind la.. I actually am glad that we sort out the difference alreadi.. =)

I know i am alittle hard to please at times. I was thinking whether if i was being selfish or just plain sensitive.

I felt disappointed again. Is it because i expected too much? I dont know, i dont seems to be able to answer that myself. The same problem happened over and over again. I voiced it out before but i knew that no much attention was given to it. Am i being too petty? Because of it, i feel so insecure. I talked to my mom the other day and she questioned me, is he the one for mi? I cant answer it. I just kept quiet.

I am getting more afraid. Not because i might lose him one day anymore, but because i feel the stress present. Lotsa past disputes due to mis-communication. I opened up. I said wat i felt in a pleasing tone but what i got back was some frustrations.

Yes, i was moody the past 2 weeks due to infection i got. But my frens seems to care more. I just dont understand why. I am too tired to do anything. Happi Belated Birthday to myself. . .

A summary of the whole week?

Erm.. Let mi see.. Everyday's been working n working n working.. But something to be happy about, I changed my job ! Although the pay isnt good, but I m realli hoping that i can learn alot from the job.

Monday, Tuesday n Wednesday were my last days at LTA so i had to hand over my duties to the new girl. I think i m being really paitent ! Explained to her several times but she took a long time to understand the basic flow. Still i teached her paitently cos i wouldnt wan her to get scolding from the stupid boss..
Other than that, I am damn suay lo.. Haiz.. was down wif some infection, went to the doc and it cost 40 plus ! so ex.. The results i got wasnt good, actualli it was bad.. tsk.. Have to go back for a second time check up again.
Dear came to fetch mi after work on Wednesday ! When i know he was fetching mi, i realli couldnt wait for 6 o'clock to come soon. But well, as usual, time passes by so slowly.. Haha, he did brighten up my day though.

n Thursday's my first day at the new company ! But the plant manager's not going to be around for thurs and fri, so i was given a task to do within the 2 days. Well, the task was to draw the plan view of the whole production area. I tot it was easy at first until i went to the site, the stupid production area is damn big ! The whole damn day i was in front of the com drawing the view using Microsoft Paint lo !! Ji dan.. My shoulders and arms were aching at the end of the day. Faintz.

However, on Friday, everything's much better. After i completed the drawing, I just went around the production office to disturb the engineers. Haha, I requested them to bring mi to see the lab and explaining to mi the whole process. Later on in the afternoon, I witness them fixing up the granulation machine. But i am machiam the supervisor, using eye power. Haha..
I am so glad i went into the production team, cos the office ppl are so hostile ! Its like they have gold bars in their mouth lo, cant even smile de. and the only time they did open their mouth was gossiping abt the R&D manager, cant stand them. So i have alreadi decided, i plan to gain and learn as much as possible after a few years before jumping to a better company. Muahaha.
After work, i met up wif wee, rh and rh's bus girl. Lolx. She's realli veri friendly and nice. Cindy joined us later and hmmm, well, i dont know how to explain the situation. lolx.

Saturday; i am supposed to acc dear to work, but haha, i was slping like a pig at home. lolx. Went over to his place to help him pack bag before going to meet the rest at pasir ris for esther's chalet.
Basically, we all were entertaining ourselves la. Haha. got mi, dear, cindy, wee, rh, beng & elaine. Chatting, watching tv, drinking, fighting, etc - thats wat we did there, except for the fighting part la. Cos that involves onli mi n dear haha. Like wat rh say, we were engaged in our world fighting with each other most of the time.
After the chalet, we went bugis for lunch and acc elaine to sim lim in search of her ipod mini. Sadly she cant find anything so all of us went our separate ways. I went over to Dear's place n ko there, till he prepare to go his dinner then i went home.

n now, i am going to replenish more of my beauty slp. Tml's monday !! gotta work again.. so sian ! Haix..

HAPPI BIRTHDAY CHARMAINE !!!!

hee.. long time since i blogged. Had dinner with cp and char last night. Just a small gathering, eating, joking, crapping, updating, blah blah. lolx.
After which, i went back to dear's hse. Was so frickin tired. zzzzz

Fine's been realli fine and good for mi. Sort of have a little dispute wif dear recently, lotsa mis-communication and misunderstanding, we sort things out though. He said sth that realli touch mi alot, n took him a great deal of courage before he blurted it out to mi. Muahaha. =x

Ooo.. n next thursday i am going into a new company ! I think i am damn lucky to meet the plant manager, he's willing to train mi from scratch, he even told mi after gaining experience, i can just leave the company to go into bigger MNC. lolx. The company is also so welfare lo.. lol.. he stil help mi negiotate for a higher salary above from wat i stated.
I am kinda excited to go, cos i bet i will be learning alot alot of new stuffs. Yeay ! Wish mi Luck ! =)

Having alot of major moodswings lately, have no idea wat causes them. Why despite all, i stil feel so so so unhappy?
Its not good to have moodswings. It sux, i feel terrible.

I feel like crying.... haiz...

I have no idea wat to blog anymore...

Actually there are lotsa things that's on my mind right now, but i cant seems to be able to organise all the cluster in my brain now. The past few weeks were working and meeting up with my dear. Suddenly, i felt so guilty. I havent been spending much time with my mom. I think i should realli do that.

ooo.. Weichang's going Uk this sat, so we had a gathering last sat. But, everything went wrong, it started raining !! No doubt, i was veri veri disappointed. There's nothing i could do anyway.

I wanna get a new job !!! I totally hate my current job & due to tt, i cant seems to find any motivation to go work. Why? cos most of the time, i go n slack. What a waste of time ! I hate having nothing to do.
I kinda think that working is so boring. Or rather, is it my life thats boring. The tot of me doing the same old thing almost everyday a few years down the road leaves me feeling veri dreadful.eeekz!

Never mind about tt. Right now, i think i really need to get some organized work done in my life. Everything's fine, but i stil feel i am a mess. No proper income, so i got to get a better pay and stable job. shooox..

Boring Saturday !!!!
I am bored !!!!!
shheeez...

I am sick again.. yup, so i stayed at home n rest these two days.. My cough is getting worse. Damn sickening.

Anyway, i seriously have no idea what to say.. No, i should say i have too mani things to say that i dont know where to start from. Ok, for one, I finally met xiao ying ! lol.. actualli she wasnt wat i expected, mayb bcos of the comments rh has on her. But she's definirely a young lady ozing wif confidence. I kind of admire her for that. I felt so kiddy in front of her. Haha. She had this mature and accomplished young lady aura around her. Faintz.
mi, lucas, xiaoying & kelly went to newsroom after dinner. Boy, they really can drink lo. I sat there like a toot head, haha. every time lucas goes to the toilet or was away from us, they both was like telling mi how fine a person he is & tt it is not easy to find such a sweet and simple relationship like urs. Lolx. Yea, i kinda agree on tt. They toast to our long-lasting relationship. Tts so funni !
After which, xiaoying sent all of us home. I was the last to alight so yea, she told mi abt her steps to career success. And i guess the most important thing she told mi is that I got to have confidence in myself and i got to believe that nothing is impossible, there will be miracles.
She told mi that in order to realise the love others have for u, u must learn to love urself first. Sounds familiar? lol.. i told that to Zhen the veri night before this.

Something to be happy about, I finally got my contact lenses ! Hee. After wearing my last pair of monthly disposable lens for dont know how many months, i know its not good. and i got my lens from a new brand - Acuvue Advance. It costs mi a whooping 384 ! so, yea i am broke. But its all for a good cause, gonna take care of my eyes. I was quite skeptical when my optician recommended mi this brand, all good comments on it and she quoted that it totally feels like nothing. Took a long time to decide on it cos the price is kinda steep.
But yet, i decided to give it a try. What she told mi was obsolutely the truth ! it really feels like nothing, and its very very soft ! I am glad my money did not go down the drain. Hee.

Ok. Yesterday, i talked to Ky on the phone. U know wat, I am doubly pissed off by wat his ex did. Its not as if Ky treated her badly, in fact, i think she's so blessed that ky was once her bf. Yes, no one is perfect. But any idiot could see that his love for her was much more geniune that the rest of the other guys. Now i know why all her exs are still tangled in a mess with her. She's simply a bitch. She simply just wouldnt let go. And, she's acting childish and unreasonable, acting as though she's the only person that have the right to be angry. I am damn pissed off by her, and yet i cant do anything to help ky. Well so, ytd i gave ky a piece of my mind. I scolded him, so that hopefully, he wont let the girl make use of him.
Stupid bitch. One fine day, Just one day, u will get ur retribution from all the fooling around.
Or maybe, when u grow up and look back, u will be sad on what kind of person u used to be, and it would forever be an issue on ur regret list.

I changed my mind about changing my blog. I am too lazy for that. I guess there's nothing i can do about it. Its my blog, so if u dont like anything written here, kindly hit the small red cross on the top right hand.
All my dear frens, pls kindly have the minimal respect that watever i blog here remains here. It's all purely my tots and feelings and i chose to blog them out to ease the frustration within mi. Seriously, i see no wrong in tt. I am a human who have tots and feelings and i cant control the reaction when you all read them. As what i mentioned in one of my previous entries, all things in life are determined by the 90/10 Principle...

Now, it seems as though I am getting more out of control of my life. I have no idea wat i wanna achieve. I tend to think alot these days, not that it isnt something good, but too much thinking sure can drive people nuts.

oh.. watever..

Last weekend, i met up wif my poly classmates and sec sch frens.. I had a new haircut and so, it equals to a new mi I guess. All said i looked very different. Yup, I wanna be different. From now on, i must have a stronger personality, i must not let people climb over my head. At the same time, I must treat my loved ones for example my mom better. I must be alittle more "clever", in terms of - I should treat those whu treated mi well.. I know i kinda changed, but i hate people who take mi for granted and i am not going to be so stupid to let that happen again.

Notice that i did not quote my brother under my loved ones.. Well, simply bcos i think he doesnt give a damn about mi. The other day, his childhood fren, Kengyang came over. It suddenly dawned onto mi that Kengyang was more like a brother to mi. He even msg mi asking mi to be careful when i am going out.

20 years of blood relationship, n i did not receive any of those kind from him. Tell mi, How the heck am i supposed to feel close to him?

Never mind about that. The other day, I managed to clear things up with him. I cried alot, bcos I felt hurt by the way he handle things. And the next day, he proved to mi that he is not responsible even to account for himself. Its scary to think of it, how am i supposed to feel secure? Then again, I love him so much that I think i could never let him go..

oh.. brudders..

I am in my pesky moods right now !!! I did not go work today cos i overslept... n i am glad i did.. i just need some time alone..
this is the last post for this blog..
Sorrie ppl.. gonna go private... dont even bother come asking mi
if i wanna say i will tell u automatically..

Why did i even post a blog online.. tts cos i am lazy to get a diary..
and most of my frens knows tt not everyone in my circle of frens have the address..
Shouldnt i get a little respect when i entrust the address to my frens?

Ytd after my work, i met up wif beng, elaine, wee, rh, cindy and dill at clementi for dinner..
Just a question.. why is it always mi??
Doesnt means tt i am always smiling means tt u all can climb over my head n say wat u all wan...
Everyone has their own limits.. I just dont wan to arrive at a time where i flare from the snowballing effect.. I can go crazy.. just like wat happened betw mi n my mom..
u can say i m petty.. but u urself should know whu is more..
u can say its all a joke.. but let mi tell u this... a joke is not a joke anymore if it is always mention.. n when it goes overboard..

Why did i overslept today?
cos i slept veri late last night.. I was thinking.. I cant blog everything out.. though i wanted to.. cos i feel tt any moment i might just explode..
Waited so late for a phone call.. my eyes were so sore alreadi.. I ought to be slping rite? but yet i stil waited.. n i received it.. oh yea ! i should be happi rite?
all i heard was some high n almost seh voice..

u know wat.. i am veri disappointed.. I tot u were so diff.. Mayb i expected too much.. all i wan is just some respect at least informing mi of ur whereabouts before doing anything.. n i am not a difficult woman.. i m ok wif everything.. u should know it..

Guys will always be guys hur....

hehe.. i did a new blogskin all by myself !!!
cool hor ! Its all about mi n dear haha..

anyway i m just back from sushi!! yummilicious..
tot i wont be meeting up wif my dear for these few days le..
His stupid camp got live firing.. Ji dan.. lol..

But i stil managed to see him!! cos he finished everything early..
Haiz.. My slipper broke again.. Great rite?
Its like dont know how mani times le.. Faintz.. Had to go around looking for my shoes..
I know Dear's veri veri veri hungry le.. cos he looks veri restles.. Ops.. Sorrie wor..

Met up wif Spenc, Wee and Charlene at Funan..
Bth that Spencer.. Laugh until my stomach veri pain lo...
But dont dare say out.. if not my Dear's gonna scold mi again..
Hee..
Wah.. He realli fiercer to mi le.. Ji Dan !! lolx..
But i know he is not.. cos everytime he tries to look angry.. he is smiling in his eyes.. haha.. its so funni ! I am gonna snap it down next time ! Hehe..

//Will u love mi till the end of time?
Can i be selfish and stop the time?
So that i will always be loved by u..

lol.. taken from charlene's gal blog.. cos i think its interesting.. Muahaha.. a series of "If I were"

If I were a month I would be: erm..October!
If I were a day of the week I would be: Friday! Last day of work..
If I were a time of day I would be: Dinner time? dunno..
If I were a planet I would be: earth ba..
If I were a animal I would be: erm.. doggie! cos my dear loves dog.. so means he loves mi too! haha..
If I were a insect I would be: ee.. i dont wanna be an insect.. yucks !
If I were a direction I would be: eh? up! dont ask mi why..
If I were a piece of furniture I would be: A big comfy cotton king size bed!
If I were a historical figure I would be: dont know la.. siao..
If I were a liquid I would be: plain water
If I were a tree I would be: coconut tree ! cos if i see anyone disturb mi.. i will just drop the coconuts onto their heads ! muahaha..
If I were a flower/plant I would be: white roses.. they are beautiful (i want to be beautiful also!) haha..
If I were a kind of weather I would be: bright n sunny weather.. my Fav!
If I were a musical instrument I would be: my piano in my room..
If I were an emotion I would be: erm..the emotions of a psycho? i wan to know n understand wats in their minds haha..
If I were a color I would be: pure white..
If I were a vegetable I would be: baby tomato ! cos it looks cute!
If I were a fruit I would be: mango! my dear loves them.. haha
If I were a sound I would be: the sound of harp.. it magically can calm ppl down..
If I were an element I would be: carbon! cos it can do alot of wonders!
If I were a car I would be: Lamborghini! chio! lolx..
If I were a song I would be: Come What May.. I super love this song!
If I were a movie I would be directed by: erm.. Lucas Chan! Muahaha..
If I were a book I would be written by: Lame.. -_-
If I were a food I would be: Sushi.. Hehe..
If I were a drink I would be: Orange Juice
If I were a place I would be: Kai Xin's Paradise.. lolx..
If I were a material I would be: Silk.. Satin.. Love the feel.. =)
If I were a taste I would be: eh.. Spicy Hot ! haha..
If I were a scent I would be: Ralph Lauren Romance for Ladies..
If I were a word I would be: I.. its the most common & useful word..
If I were an object I would be: My piano..
If I were a body part I would be: The eyes !!!
If I were a facial expression I would be: My smile.. n onli my smile ! haha.. cos i love my smile (^o^)
If I were a cartoon character I would be: Sakura! she's got beautiful clothes..
If I were a shape I would be a: Star... Hee.. Beautiful..
If I were a number I would be: 2!! dont ask why.. its my fav..
If I were a toy I would be: erm.. i dont wan to be toy.. doesnt sounds nice..
If I were a brand I would be: haha.. My Brand !
If I were a country I would be: Hawaii (tts not a country rite) watever..
If I were a light I would be: Sunlight !!
If I were a somebody I would be: Noone.. I dont wan to be somebody else.. cos my dear onli loves mi n onli mi! haha..

kk.. end of the crazy n bo liao answers.. lol..

I just got something to say...

I Love My Dear so much !

Its as if some confessions.. lolx..
Kinda had some misunderstanding with him.. I made him angry.. n i know its entirely my fault.. Everything's resolve.. =)
Both of us think that there's really something wrong with mi recently.. Its as though i got split personality.. I can just be quiet suddenly..
Mayb I am just bothered by my family.. I am so glad that he is there to support mi and shower mi with all his never-ending love during this time..
After a serious tot about wat the hell is wrong with mi this morning..
I voiced out watever's on my mind the first thing when i woke up..
I am just afraid that I might take him for granted in the future..

n I realised something.. all these mths.. I have been whinning about all the mishaps in life.. Mayb its time i do something about it.. Everything is in my control..
If i want a better life and a better family, I have to work hard towards it..
n of cos i want to be a better gf for him, I got to pull myself together..

Yup ! No more whinning ! (Mayb jus an occasion of venting, tt will do)

//
Anyway, meet my boi after my work today.. Acc him to the doc.. cos my dear baobei's got rashes!! =( Veri sian to see him getting frustrated over the itchiness & i dont know wat to do..
To make things worse, I wont be able to see him and take care of him for the next 3 days.. sad.. so I made him promise that he would eat his med on time n drink lotsa water,etc.

Acc him to pack his stuffs back camp.. Stupid boi.. Play with my hair clip.. Ha.. got scolding from his mom cos he keep disturbing mi.. lolx..

Went to buy some stuffs n back home !.. zzz

// Its bcos of your love, that i start to realise myself..
n bcos of this realization, that i want to change myself..
Not for you, but for myself
bcos I want to create a beautiful future for us..

Time for some updates.. Away with all the unhappy moments.. was just browsing thru my phone.. so uploaded some pictures..

At clementi pool centre some time ago..
see tt weird being behind mi slping?


and now he's trying to eat mi up !!!


Hee.. now thats a normal photo.


ooo.. spencer is aiming at mi !!! shit..


Think i wasnt blogging normally for the past few days isnt it?
Well, was in a veri down period of time.. but i got over it.. with the help of my frenz and my darling.. I know he's trying hard to be here for mi.. cos he's busy wif his work as well..
Actually, the one wif the most credit is a book lol.. i read an inspiring book.. the author realli make mi sort out all my tots.. and i look at troubles in a diff way now.. They come... and yes.. they will go away too.. so the key is how to make them go away faster and in the meantime survive this period..
A very brillant book.. its wif Spencer now.. cos i tot he might like to read it.. lol.. he says its a great book! haha..

I really couldnt really rem wat happened.. lets start wif thursday..

//Thursday
i guess i was really in one of my foul moods.. couldnt understand why.. not in the mood to even pick up my dear's calls..
so i made him quite worried.. n he tot tt he was a lousy bf cos he couldnt be there for mi..

Well, i told myself.. after a night's rest i will be ok..

//Friday
resolved everything wif dear.. I guess i realli was honest wif him.. i realli told him wat i feel.. But that did not spark off any argument, =)
went home after work.. dead tired.. couldnt meet up wif him.. cos he got to watch a soccer match as instructed by his camp.. dumb sia.

But nevertheless, he stil came down to find mi after tt.. so i accompanied him to dinner.. hee.. and last min.. i asked him to go out.. cos erm.. well.. i just feel like going out.. lol..

we went to ktv.. and he's hooked onto a new song.. lol..

//Saturday
stupid.. i wasted one whole damn day.. why? cos my father did not keep up wif his words.. he wasnt home at all.. n no words from him.. idiot..
I woke up early in the morning wif dear.. and he send mi home..
and yet i rot at home the whole day just to get the feeling of being dua..

in the end.. after some discussion wif wee.. we suggested going over to jerm's hse to stayover.. But last min just as i was abt to leave the hse.. its cancelled... then its changed to spencer's hse..

went to eat dim sum ! yummi.. lol.. n was discussing wif feng shui wif wee n spencer.. before long.. all of us ko le.. zzzz

//Sunday
woke up damn early ... faintz.. cos spenc need to work..
so i went over dear's place.. haha.. he look so gong when he just woke up.. Muahaha.. so funni !!!

woke up in the afternoon n accompanied him to his soccer match.. i wasnt looking at him play at all.. cos i dont understand n i dont know where is he.. haha.. so i just sat there reading magz.. lol..

Dear cook fried rice for mi !! haha.. yummi.. =) slacked awhile at his place then i went home ... yawnz ...

//Monday
Boring day at work.. due to the shifting.. work is at a super slow pace this week.. n i bth man !
went over to our new office during lunch.. n i get to choose my seat.. ahha.. chose a seat in a secluded area away from my boss !! Muahaha.. and my colleagues treated mi to lunch..kaoz.. i feel so pampered by them sia..
went back and continue packing our stuffs.. last min suddenly there's another whole cabinet of documents not packed.. i nearly fainted man..

after work.. met up wif dear at bouna vista.. went up to ronghua's hse.. then mi rh cindy n dear went over to blk 40 to meet up wif the rest..

went to partyworld..
Pictures !!
haha.. i like this photo !!! see tt stupid dear of mine behind mi.. lol..


Lingzi !!! She zhi nian.. lolz..



Mi n Lingzi !!! Sweetz ritez.. =)


thats mi !! lolx.. =p


my dear singing..lol.. he sing until veri tou ru hor!


mi... my dear singing.. wee... n zz's shoes?


marcus n zz... haha... this photo is funni..


mi n dear went off early.. cos my eyes were not feeling veri dry..

//Tuesday
----Happi National's Day----
haha.. my dear said that i was having nightmare last night.. lolx..
woke up veri early, accompany him to work.. lol..

Slp the whole day.. lol.. and now, i am all alone at home... My dear's involved in National Day..

My jaw hurts like hell.. its like swollen.. lol.. think its heatiness...
faintz..

..I miss my dear..

I AM DAMN FRUSTRATED NOW !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ARRRGGGH.. I JUST WANNA VENT ALL MY FRUSTRATION ON MY BLOG.. COS THERE'S NO ONE THERE TO HEAR MI OUT...

NOW MY PHONE IS GONE.. ALL BCOS OF MY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE BROTHER...

AND THE COM CAN BARELY FUNCTION AT A NORMAL SPEED.. ALL BCOS OF HIM !!!!!!!!! ANY IDIOT WILL KNOW TT A COMPUTER DEFINITELY WONT HAVE THE CAPACITY TO HOUSE 4 HARD DISK.. AND HE JUST PUT ALL OF THEM IN... WHY?? WHY IS HE SO BRAINLESS.....!!!!

IMAGINE MY FRUSTRATION WHEN I COME BACK AFTER A LONG WEEKEND, TO FIND MY PHONE GONE AND MY COM IN ITS CRAZY STATE...

I REALLI FEEL LIKE MURDERING SOMEONE NOW... IF HE WAS TO BE PRESENT NOW.. I M SURE I WILL JUST THROW STH RIGHT SMACK IN HIS FACE..

PUT UP WIF ALL YOUR NONSENSE... ITS TIME TO GROW UP.. DONT U THINK?? STIL TT STUPID N SILLY KID LEAVING IN UR WORLD?? ITS NO WONDER U CANT GET A GF... WIF A CHARACTER LIKE URS.. NO ONE CAN STAND U.......

&*^$*&#^&tg98UR9&*(@#g&#t&&*^@^#@br&^t&^t g##(*&*&$& @y&@^#&@*&b*&$^$$

k.. enough of venting... the above is purely my frustration vent on it.. i send out a msg to him.. scolding him on how inconsiderate he is.. and just as i guessed, he dare not reply.. bcos i can realli get mean and heartless if u really go beyond my limit...

so, dont ever try my limit.. i think i might just murder someone in the future.. bcos of the snow-balling frustration tt keeps building within mi over the years...

right.. i m just frustrated n out of my mind..

Stupid day..
Busy day..
Stupid work..
Stupid boss..
Stupid shifting..
Stupid files..
Stupid company..
Stupid cramps..

I am really having some stupid life..
I am having stupid attitude recently..
I know i am closing myself up.. bcos of the hurt i keep receiving.. I wanna protect myself.. I dont wanna be hurt anymore.. So whoever that comes asking wat happens to mi.. Thanks for being concerned..

Ky : I know u meant well.. Its been a long time since we caught up wif each other.. I know u are concerned.. kept probing mi why am i so closed up.. why am i so negative to life now..
I know i made u feel useless as a fren.. but i just dont wish to say..
Thanks so much for being there for mi.. Thanks for making the effort to at least sound mi out.. asking why i am so sian n all.. appreciate it.. I will keep u, this great fren, forever in my heart.. =)
Cs : Ha.. dont say i did not mention u.. certified my loyal blog reader ar.. Anyway, thanks so much for ur encouraging words.. Know tt u care.. and wo xin ling le..
For everyone else whu did wonder or ask : Dont even bother coming to ask.. cos I wont say..

Sad to say.. I dont realli trust anyone anymore.. So i have only myself to pull myself up.. I believe i can do it.. Right now, I just wanna have some quiet time to myself.. I am really tired of my life.. I am tired of myself.. My attitude.. my character.. everything about mi.. I realli need some time to "restructure" my inner-self..
I need to get the positive mi back..
I need to get the cheerful mi back..
I need to get the kind mi back..
I need to get the forgiving, motherly mi back..

I need to get rid of the negative mi..
I need to get rid of the dull and grumpy mi..
I need to get rid of the rude and unpleasant mi..
I need to get rid of the villain mi..
Where are all my virtues gone !!!???

n i hope this coming weekend wont be terrible..

took a day off ytd.. overslept.. so freaking tired..
but actualli its cos my dear also off ! haha.. wanna spend time wif him.. hee..
Practically did nth the whole day.. He watching Naruto.. and i slping..
zzzzzz..

Today's a busy day at work.. Susie's no longer wif us.. so it means no one there for mi to consult if i meet up wif difficulties.. I dont wanna ask boss cos everytime i ask him.. he sure say dont know ask mi solve myself.. -_-"" comparing the amt of time he had been on the job?
Met up wif my dear for dinner.. He got rashes.. damn.. realli dont know wat i can do to help.. kinda helpless..

got home.. talked to rh.. was thinking about wat happened for the past few weeks and months.. kind of reflecting on my life, my attitude everything.. I feel miserable that some things are beyond my control.. But i'm gonna learn from the setbacks and make each experience count..

Right now.. i think i am a lousy gf... a lousy daughter.... a lousy fren...

//Friday
One word to sum up tt day, BAD
After the horrible incident, went to work half heartedly..
eyes were so sore that i had to wear my specs.. was totalli in a sian mood.. dear called mi after lunch.. and i poured out everything to him.. to the extent that i was crying in the office.. I told him that i was in a super bad mood tt day.. so whoever comes to tease mi or disturb mi sure get a hell of scolding from mi.. plus he wont be joining us for dinner.. so there's no one there who can make mi smile..

But indeed, after toking to him.. i was ok.. Called him happily after my work.. he made mi veri touched.. he actualli called rh just to inform him tt i am in a bad mood so dont keep disturbing mi.. but in the end rh not going cos he's sick..
Suddenly, i realised tt my dear wans the best for mi.. he would do almost everything just to make mi happi.. I feel so stupid thinking tt way ytd.. But in the end, i stil know how much i meant to him and how much he meant to mi.. its just the emotional and negative mi taking over ytd.. so.. haha.. stupid mi...

went to meet up wif spencer at Funan.. On the way there, i chance upon this veri rude auntie.. was damn pissed off..
spencer managed to make mi laugh till i forgot my worries la.. he jitao lame like shit lo.. -_-
Meet up wif biwei and charlene, off we went to citylink.. cos i keep niaming tt i wanna get sth for my dear.. actualli aim veri long le.. but my plans always got spoil by tt boi.. -_- so finalli can go buy le.. haha..
went over to meet up wif the rest.. details not to be mentioned.. cos i also dont know how to elaborate..
went over to can cafe to chit chat.. but in the end, left onli mi hanz and spencer.. haha.. realli did talk abt some interesting topics wif them.. this time on more serious stuffs like social manners, psychology, slping manners, listeners, etc..

so sad tt i did not see my dear tt day.. =(

//Saturday
slept all the way till 3 in the afternoon..
was alreadi awake le.. but i was playing wif my dear's phone n i just dont wanna go out wif my room..
woke up and met up wif wee, spencer, rh and cindy at bugis.. had dinner and went over to can cafe chit chat again..
Decided to go over my hse stay tt night.. dont feel like staying at home.. but the main reasons is tt i wanna spend more time wif him.. lol..

Anyway, rh explained to mi wat he said to dear tt day..
saying tt in the near future.. i would be more playful and would not wan to be tied down by him.. -_-
lol.. i just told him mayb.. cos i find it kinda pointless to explain to him and i also dont know how to explain the feeling inside mi.. so haha.. dont care..

Actualli, all the while was hoping tt my dear would call mi so he could join us.. then he realli called !! lol.. pass him the singlet tt i bought for him.. haha.. =p

//Sunday
woke up and rushed home.. cos meeting up wif cp..
kinda sad to see my mom and bro quarreling the moment i got home.. i jitao bo hui.. changed packed my stuffs and went off le..

Went to watch the island wif my dear... its a damn freaking fantastic show !! u all should go watch it.. highly recommended... nice plot.. nice characters.. nice visual effects.. it might seems boring to some as its kinda abt dna, clones thingy.. but the story line is well-written.. entertaining to every small part..

went to holland v n get naruto cd from rh before going for dinner..
After wards.. its home time.. tired... stupid specs giving mi prob liao.. wondering if its an increase in my degrees not.. sharks.. right now, i cant see everything clearly.. everything is in a blurr..
zzzzzz

Last time i used to think that i have to be a fillial daughter and all.. But now i just cant.. I have tried for so mani years.. Till today, i finally know i cant..

Wats the use of trying to put myself in her shoes.. when she doesnt even try to understand my situation at all..

I know that she's tight on cash.. so i made a mental note.. i would set aside a sum of money each month for her.. even how tight i am.. i would stil give it to her..
I know i havent been spending much time at home.. so yea.. i tried to make it up to her.. sometimes just sitting down and talk.. but often these small talks lead to arguments.. i get tired..
I treated her to dinner cos i know its a long time since i ate wif her.. and yet, the comments i got was tt why did i waste money...
I know she's worried for mi.. and its natural.. so i compromise.. i inform her of my whereabouts.. but each time i give in a step.. she take advantage of it.. and take a bigger step of controlling mi.. Till a point i start to back away..
I know she's heartbroken over some things.. so i always listen to her.. and even encourage her to go out more often to relax herself..

And yet, for all these.. in the end.. she said tt i hated her... it realli hurt mi alot.. no matter the indifference i felt from the way she treated mi compared to my brother.. it didnt hurt as much...

This time i am realli hurt... my tears cant help falling down..

I know this time.. its gonna affect mi alot.. its gonna even affect the way i see things now.. i am trying not to let it change mi..

I am sick of everything.. its always over money tt spark off all the arguments.. what the hell..

I need someone by my side.. I wanna look for him.. I know maybe he's tired.. But.. suddenly i felt so un-loved.. No calls to ask if i am home safely.. Not even a msg.. I know i cant blame him.. cos i did not tell him abt wats going on now.. I am so tired of speaking my mind.. I used to seek comfort in myself.. bcos i believe that no one understands mi more than myself.. and i know i have the power to control my emotions and thoughts.. right now, I just cant find the power anymore.. I dont know who i can seek comfort in anymore.. Suddenly, everything seems so empty.. Everything within mi seems gone..

I want to be understanding... n i try so hard to be.. But fuck.. for once, can anyone even understand how i feel right now?? I guess not...

I caught a cold !! Muahaha.. lolz..
Didnt go work ytd.. cos my nose was like a loose tap.. non-stop flowy.. haha.. and to make it worse.. my head was pounding.. -faintz-

Took the flu med and went back to slp.. By the time i woke up i was alreadi ok le.. hehe.. Slacked around and went back to slp again.. Muahaha.. Met my piggy after his work and we went to pig out at Tiong Bahru Hawker.. Nice Food !! Haha.. Tired day despite the whole day slping.. went home ko immediately.. zzzz

Today woke up feeling more worse.. throat dry and all.. flu again.. My stupid quilt just cant keep mi warm.. gonna buy a new one when i got spare cash lolx.. meanwhile i would just dream of having a nice warm slp.. it would be doubly nice if my dearie is there to hug hug mi to slp..
-dreaming away again-

Busy day at work.. cut myself alot of times while packing the files.. and i am damn irritated with myself !! my favourite jacket was spoilt !! sianz.. went home and treated my mom to string ray n lala.. lol.. had dinner wif her.. then my dearie came over to find mi cos his camp's happi hour or sth lidat ended early.. so happi to see him !! haha..

I promise that you'll be my one, my only everything..
I promise that for your love, I will do anything.. I really will.. =)

today i realli had a great time.. cos i get to see my piggy.. lol.. (as if i havent seen him for a long time) ha.. but i just miss him..

Busy day at work.. start to pack my cabinets.. sort all the files into boxes for shifting.. damn heavy.. shit.. packed till i forget abt time.. and tio niam by valerie to go home.. haha.. always like the big "mama" to tell mi go have lunch break.. n dont come back so early.. hahaha..
So happi that my new desk will be located just beside her n not some other weirdos in the company hee..

met up wif my dear after work !!! so happi to see him.. and i m jumping around like a small kid.. muahaha.. yup yup, i got my pouch to put my toiletries le.. and i got my white belt !! hee.. plus a big bag of candies for mi to bring to company.. yipee !!
had dinner at phin's steakhouse.. lol.. i think dar's gonna boycott tt restaurant le.. cos well, the service kinda sucks haha..
shopped around for my shoes.. cant believe it.. my two slip-ons spoilt le.. and at the same time.. -faintz-

erm.. actualli i do have lotsa things to blog about.. i feel that my frens are not happi.. realli..
i dont wanna say much..
jus feel tt everyone should do some reflection on themselves.. not onli for themselves but for their loved ones too..
for those whu can catch wat i m saying.. ya.. good for u..
for those whu cant.. just a simple msg across that no one is perfect..
Dont give expecting ppl to do things for u.. u cant always take and not give.. it applies to every relationship.. whether with ur parents, frens, bf or gf..
I am sad when i see ppl dont treasure their frens around them..
People always take for granted tt as frens, we should follow each other's flows.. But true frens are when u correct him/her for their mistake and yet at the end of the day, no argument jus stronger bonds betw u two..

And for those who are suffering heart breaks now..
I really dont know how i can help to ease ur pain..
I understand how u all feel.. But believe mi, time will do everything. time will heal all wounds..
Dont force yourself to forget tt someone just cos u think u will be better off tt way.. Do u know by forcing urself to do sth u dont wish to.. Its even more painful than thinking abt tt person..
I guess the only thing i can do is to be there for u.. lend a listening ear to you when u need it.. I dont mind if u vent all ur emotions on mi.. realli i dont.. as long as i know at the end of e day, u feel better.. i m happi..

of cos, there are some frens of mine tt is in their happi world.. lol..
Jus like mi, they have found the one and only person that can make them smile all day long..
But u know, dont forget ur frens also.. cos they will be the ones whu will go thru the recovery road with u should anything bad happens..
I know i might have neglected some of my frens.. though i know they understand.. but yea.. i am trying to build up the frendship once again..

I just wanna sth to one of my frenx..
I know you are sad.. I know you are helpless.. I know you regretted everything..
I am sad for you.. I am angry for you.. I feel helpless for you..
I am shocked that u called mi late at night.. Even more shocked when i heard u cry.. But i am happi, cos u called mi the first thing when u are feeling sad.. It means i am the first person tt came to ur mind..

I tried to console u.. but i know i did not do it properly.. Lotsa things i wanted to tell u.. but i think u wouldnt take it in at ur emotion state now.. Right from the start, I did not have a good impression of her.. I am sure u know.. She proved mi right time after time again wif her actions.. But i am willing to accept her as ur gf.. bcos i know u love her deeply.. As a fren, I give u all my blessings..

And now, I told u tt letting go of this r/s is a wise choice.. But i know tts not u want.. bcos of the overwhelming love i felt from you to her.. So I will support ur choice.. and since i encouraged you to do so.. i am prepared that if u fall again.. i will be there to catch hold of u.. and be ur pillar till u stand up again.. =)

I know i am lucky.. i have a bunch of great frens around mi.. I have such a great bf tt gives mi all the love i need.. Yesterday, he asked mi if i felt pressurized by his love.. i dont know why.. Just the mere tot of this qns put a smile on my face.. I dont know how to express the feelings i felt..
But i know i love him more and more each day..
I know we had our unhappy times, breaks my heart everytime an argument starts..But i am glad at the end, things are resolved..
And i was just wondering.. how can anyone feel pressurized by an overwhelming love.. thats when I suddenly tot of an answer..
Yes u can get pressured, when u dont love tt person tt much, tts when u will feel its tiring.. irritating.. u wanna break free.. but u cant.. cos u wanna be loved as well..
I know my answer.. I dont feel pressurized.. I dont feel irritated.. I dont find it tiring.. and i do not wanna break free..

Can anyone understand wat i am saying? lolx..
Nv have i tot tt i could love someone so deeply..
tt i would meet someone like u..
Nv tot tt u would be by my side..
(actualli tot b4, but stil cant believe it, Muahaha..)
Nv knew I could feel like this, I could fall in love all over again each time i see you..
Nv have i been so happi all my life.. that i actualli crave to see u every day..
Nv would i be so willing to put down my playful character just cos u are the one that i wanna settle down for..
Nv had i been such a "sore player".. I cant afford to lose.. I am afraid of losing..

I 'll Never Stop Loving You...

hehe.. many days since i blog..
went to sentosa to pitch tent wif ronghua, cindy, spencer, charlene, chee wee and apple on sat.. of cos got mi n my dar.. its a stupid saturday, i was having one of the so-called unlucky days.. step into a muddy spot and nearly fall.. walked out on to the road nearly got bang by car.. etc.. so i was kinda in my pms stupid mood again..
i know i made my dear sian.. cos i myself was feeling so down.. but i apologized to him !!! and after awhile, yesh, he cheered mi up once again.. Hee..
Sorrie dear dear !! =(
supposingly, going to suntan and play at the beach today.. but its raining!! stupid rainy season.. hiak.. lol..
After which all of us went to eat sakae !!! yummi !! hehe..

went over to my dear's hse.. ko !! cos was veri veri tired...
zzzzzzz

online and started toking plus disturbing ppl.. muahahha.. well, saw afew ppl's blog..
suddenly i feel so loved by him... n i just wanna be the last girl for him.. lolx.. i can never put in words how i feel abt him.. lol..
I love my dear !!! =)
no one can snatch him away from mi !!! i will box whoever who does tt.. Muahaha..
and ky.. pls dont anyhow think ar.. U got to be strong k.. Though i realli dont know wat to say when u called mi.. I felt ur pain n hurt.. Believe mi.. U are a great guy and there are girls more worthy of ur love.. seriously hope tt u will find ur happiness just like mi.. =)

---Photos---
tts mi and my Charlene Gal..

Cindy and Charlene !!

Stupid Spencer wif his stupid actions..


n the early morning view ! nice !

Eating our breakfast..


n yes, even onli a breakfast.. he can come up wif stupid actions..



haha.. we made the tent collapse while he is inside !! Muahaha..



n i was playing around wif the big lime green shoes tt belongs to Spencer !!!



Due to boredom(cos of the rain), we started taking pics and doing stupid things..




Sushi Time !!!




n this funni photo tt dear took! lol..


Photos that Az sent mi tt we took on Fri..
Mi and my Dear !!


n mi n zhen.. Muahaha.. Kenneth said i look nice in this photo! haha..


and tts all folks !!!!
I just have a simple.. I want to get rid of my recent bad temper and bring him happiness.. =)

Happi

3rd

Month

Dar !!!!!!!

On the contrary to the previous post, I had super busy and stressful days this week, and i believed that it will get worse over the next few weeks cos my company's shifting to a new location.
Lotsa things not done, files and stacks of documents not packed at all. Its only today that i know i have two whole cabinets filled of files, nearly fainted when i saw everything.. Pengz !

Been feeling veri stressed up lately, whether its over my work, or my frenz or my relationship or my family.. bits and pieces all add up..
i dont know is it over these that cause my temper to get real bad.. I start to feel easily irritated by my mum.. things she do will always seem to be of a redundancy to mi.. etc. I really hope that i can curb this temper of mine, cos i know its not going to bring mi any good. I lost my temper to my boss today also, cos things are just so dis-organised there; Bcos of tt, when i searched back old records, i took a super long time to search thru everything, to make it worse, requests for changes, enhancements, etc kept coming in.. OICs kept coming up to check with my old records.. more unclosed and unsettled cases for mi to handle.. procedures to draft out.. meetings minutes to review.. In-house project comments to compute.. and the list goes on.. the end result? my desk was crowded with documents, old records, new requests.. I was damn frustrated by the sight of it..

Met up wif bob after work today to get back my slping bag.. thanks for making the trip all the way down.. =)
Went off to meet up wif Dar, cos he's going to subscribe to cable.. Passed him the hp chain tt i made for him.. cos he lost the previous one tt i did for him.. lol.. i like it veri much !!! the encravings are so delicate and nice !! oh well, damn it, its no surprise.. its as if he can read my mind and i can read his mind.. he jitao ask mi is it i bought sth for him out of the blue, I sian diao.. -_-"""
After which, rushed down to Bp Plaza to get his contacts, and da bao dinner back to my hse to eat cos we wanted to catch Superstar. lolx.
Is it that i stupid or blur or dumb or idiotic or slow or retarded or watever, that i realli cant understand wat he is trying to bring across, and thus leading to his frustration... dont know.. -shrugs- sometimes i really do wonder.. am i really tt slow and stupid?

Well, supposed to be a happy day ritez.. But i m not.. I dont know why.. just not.. everything doesnt seems to be right.. can someone just explain it to mi.. can all the unhappiness just go away.. can i lead a simple life.. I am not greedy.. I just wish to be happy.. and yet, its just the toughest thing to get, dont u agree?

Been working n working these few weeks.. kinda bored.. Work is so unstable !! When I m busy, its realli damn busy.. On the contrary, when i have nothing to do.. i can just slack there the whole damn day.. Totally not the kind of job i wanted.. Faintz..

Work is one thing..
Recently, I begin to feel that i get easily agitated.. I get rather petty at times.. My temper seems to get worse.. n I have severe mood swings.. Can anyone tell the reason behind all these?? I began to have second tots about everything i do now.

Went to dbl o last sat with Rh, Cindy, Zz, Dar, Wee, Spencer, Ahgong, Gb and Shiwei.. That day is such a bad day..
My dad was home.. and i wasnt happy at all.. i dont know why.. I just feel so unfair as to why is it always mi to accommodate his timing.. why cant for once they accommodate mine.. I know my mom wans mi to be home just cos my dad would stay longer.. but its always wat they wans.. how about wat i wan? I am so sick and tired of everything that i realli gave them a piece of my mind.. Why are they always so selfish.. I cried immediately after i put down the call..
I know i made Dar worried.. but i just feel like crying.. spoilt my whole night.. and had a mis-understanding with Dar.. to a point i cant be bothered.. cos at tt moment, i realli felt terrible.. Lotsa things over-crowding my mind, my heart.. each screaming for their own attention.. suffocating mi !!!!
I know i made Ronghua worried too.. dont worry.. i m fine.. =)

After all these incidents, I must admit i did have negative tots coming into my mind.. I did tot of terminating all my r/s with everyone that includes my dear, my frens and my family.. and just leave in a world of mine.. childish hur? I know..

n of cos i did not do it la.. cause when i tot of him, my spirits immediately lightened up..no joke ! realli does.. and i dont even dare to have the tot of being without him.. u know everyone do have some silly and childish tots within them at times.. it all depends on how we handle those tots tts all i guess..its all in the matter of the diff reaction of diff ppl..

i m feeling realli veri veri tired...

not much words can describe how i feel.. cos i m so unsure about it now..
i just wanna have some peace of my own, will tt do?

Took off from work today..
Cos of stomach upset.. sucks.. realli had the similar feelings of tt time when i keep vomitting and diarrhoea.. lucky this time nth serious..

rest at home and watch Young and Dangerous.. My bro got the whole series from his fren. Since i had nothing to do, so i might as well watched it.. Ekin Cheung lehz !!! He's so mesmerizing.. omg..

Yesterday, xiong msg mi at work.. haha.. somehow he realli did keep mi occupied till i knock off, if not i would have fallen aslp haha..
He said that can see tt lucas realli love mi alot.. so puzzled by this sentence.. Char also say tt she thinks he realli dote on mi alot.. well, as a fact he does la..(ok, i dont wanna say much liao, ltr he see le will be flying in the sky liao.. haha.. )

arrr.. i m bored.. my dear's slping.. and i dont know wat to do now.. -_- Hee.. he came to look for him after his work.. ar.. tml he's going duty so i wont be able to see him.. sad.. kinda understand charlene's feelings.. its like hc gonna get confine for 2 weeks..
its onli a day tt i cant see dear and i feel so sad le.. so i guess my girl will feel more terrible.. but dont worry ! i will acc u k.. lol..

to all going in tml.. Hc, Cb, Js, Cs, Puwen and tooty...
take gd care! Yup.. just these 3 simple words.. =)

Correction !!!!!!

My dear said i did not mention that he piggy back mi from clementi ntuc all the way to the fountain on Fri night... haha..

Yup.. So i mentioned it now.. He did..

Past few days were working n working and meeting up wif him after work for dinner.. Work is boring.. i was practically slacking my butt the whole day.. I fell aslp in front of the com haha.. cant believe it..

Today after work dar came over my place to do his work. Actualli i am supposed to help him but haha.. end up he did everything himself. Ops! Stupid boi, keep asking mi why i like him. then i ask him back, he also cant ans just say like lo ! faintz..
I love him and love being love by him !! Hahaha...

I m surprised !!!!

I got a sweet surprise.... so shocked...


suppose to meet up wif dearie after work.. Wanted to see him so so so much... so was kinda disappointed when we couldnt meet up.. cos he ended work late and i had stomach discomfort.. so i went home.. took a rest and went to buy my dinner..


He popped out behind the wall when i was walking out of the lift..

i realli got a shock.. and i think i scared the ppl behind mi.. cos yea.. i was realli in a shock..

But i am happy... thanks alot ! U made my day.. =)

I have got lotsa things to update !!!! But i am too tired for it.. Shall try my best ba..

Thursday
went to work.. Weird people working there.. the girls there are like so not friendly.. grrr.. lucky the one i am working with was still ok.. and she was damn shocked when i told her i am 20.. haha.. tts a good thing eh?
Ar.. I was standing the whole freaky day.. and my legs are aching thru halfway.. at 6pm.. my partner's shift is over.. so well, i am all alone.. Its kinda hard to handle customers' needs, serve them, arrange the clothes, check the stores blah blah everything at the same time.. Stupid Randy, trust him to put only one person in charge of the store at such a pack period. Dumb arse. After work, I immediately rushed home and ko !!! gosh... tired like hell..

Friday
Today's off day for mi.. so i pig out at my bed till afternoon.. zzzzz
Was feeling veri veri veri veri down... cos of the conversation i had wif my aunt and mom the previous night.. Its so sad and chim xin.. hiak.. realli dont know if i could hang on not.. no doubt was damn frustrated, but at the same time yea.. thats nth i could do ma.. since my bro also bu hui xiang.. i realli cant be bothered to tok to him anymore.. Just wish that he knows he has the responsibility to support this family not mi lo.. shitz..
I guess the moodiness realli took over mi.. I didnt felt like doing anything.. not even meeting up wif beng they all for dinner.. so i went back to slp, yea slp away all my troubles..
Dear called mi.. and said he's on his way to my hse so in the end i went to meet them for dinner at clementi.. I realli did feel alot better when i saw him. Somehow he can realli brighten up my day.. My mind was away all the while.. I didnt know wat they were discussing or toking at all.. Dear noticed tt i am extremely quiet, which is so unlike mi..
In the end, Dear suggested to go ktv.. but since all of them broke.. so both of us went onli.. realli totalli no mood!! I just couldnt pick myself up.. so u ppl should know how badly it affected mi.. well, sort of have a small misunderstanding wif dear and due to my moodiness, it kinda turned bad..
went over to the fountain to look for char and kunlin.. without him being wif mi.. was feeling kinda boiled over cos it seems as if no one will ever understand how i felt.. hiak..
tt silly boi called and said he's stil far behind just cos i told him to stay away from mi.. lol.. ran back to find him n cleared everything up.. both of us were sorry.. mi for walking away.. n him for not understanding how i felt.. Muahaha..
After which the four of us, mi , dear, char and kunlin went over my place to stay over night.. as usual la.. tt pigster jitao fell aslp after washing up.. n kun lin isnt much better ! he felt aslp almost immediately too.. so tt leaves mi and char to our girls' talk.. so long since we done tt.. kinda missed my sec sch times.. talked all the way till 6 in the moring.. n both of us zzzzzzz...

Saturday
woke up at around 10.. so tired.. slacked around.. then char n kl left..
and tt piggy was stil slping !! woke him up.. wash up.. and we went over his place..
practicalli in a stone mode.. cos was tired.. to an extent i was staring blinding at e tv.. went to take a nap..
woke up n prepare.. lol.. yup, we went to eat sakae sushi again.. yummi !! hehe.. went over to dbl o to meet up wif zz, cindy, hanz, weiling and regine.. zhen came over to join us ltr..
so tired... didnt have much energy to dance.. so dear n mi went off early.. think he abit seh and high.. haha.. cos i dont know wat he toking.. n he brought mi to eat bak ku teh then upon reaching there, dont wanna eat liao.. so funni !! haha.. cant help laughing..
both of us knock out... zzzzz

Sunday
pig all the way till noon.. then we went sentosa.. kinda lazy.. cos was tired ar.. went to suntan and played frisbee ! hehe..
went off early, cos there was a sudden strong gust of wind.. and it seems to be rainy.. who knows when we pom finish, the sun is back again.. qi si wo !!! everytime lidat de !!!
then dear brought mi to suntec for the steamboat buffet !! its damn yummi !! and i ate alot alot alot of cakes !! oooo.. so heavenly.. slurps... haha.. but tt place is damn freaking cold.. even though we were eating steamboat.. i was stil shivering !! pengz..
went off n sat down at esplanade for awhile before going home..
actualli the day was so so so fine.. but haiz.. why did they have to spoil everything??
i was so angry wif my dad.. was pissed off wif my bro.. tt i cried.. angry wif my dad for his unreasonable ways, he starts to prove mi wrong wif all his actions.. i am damn disappointed.. i told mama i realli couldnt bothered anymore.. why must i set myself into such situation, when all i got back is hurt, disappointment and more of those. Why would i always bother to salvage everything when my brother doesnt give a damn at all?? and why the heck am i drag into the picture.. why the heck are u ppl taking mi for granted.. i did everything u told mi too.. but i find tt u are asking more and more.. i am so sick of everything..
Yup.. i scolded my bro.. He dont seems to care.. pushing everything to mi.. and when i just made a tiny wheeny mistake, he blows up the issue.. try seeing in my point.. try standing in my situation and u will see u cant please both parties, so stop expecting mi for some perfect solution.. stop acting as if u realli did contributed anything at all when all u did is just once and u kept on accumulating at the family's problems now.. I realli blew my top.. I confronted him.. i told him all these.. i told him about his fucked up attitude.. and if i am wrong in any way, correct mi !!

and all he did was just bending his head and kept quiet....

i was veri hurt, tt i cried.. dearie called mi.. he was also veri pissed off.. he wanted to fetch mi to his hse to stay there for the time being.. i know he cares for mi.. i could realli feel his love overwhelming.. i could realli feel the heart ache he feels for mi.. he just gives mi the undesribable feeling again.. its always good to hear when someone would stand up for u.. protect u against all harms.. and make sure all things go well for u..

yup, he's the someone...

so much as i wanted to leave this life i am having now, but i cant.. no matter how hurt i felt.. there's just the love i have for my family tt i cant forsake.. i know no matter how tired i am, i just cant give up, not bcos i dont wan to, its bcos the situation doesnt allow mi to do so.. I know i am the reason why he stil holds on to e family.. i know i am the key to unlocking the heart knot present.. and well, i am just so trapped in the middle.. i feel suffocating.. haiz..

"He says i am his life, tts why he wont let anyone hurt or bully mi.. and he will be by my side no matter wat happen.."

A lot ppl told mi such similar phase, i know they care for mi.. i am grateful to have such frens.. but all of us do agree tt there is onli some extent frens can help out..
Well, a smile was brought onto my face when he told mi tt.. i know he means every word he says.. every word he says touched my heart..

My heart is crying..... tears of happiness...

I am in a sour and foul mood today. Its realli so so so down. Cant explain how am i feeling. and i know the only person to help is myself....

I dont feel like seeing anyone.. I dont feel like interacting wif anyone.. I dont feel like doing anything.. I just feel like locking myself in my room and slp away all my troubles.. Its not a wise thing to do.. Its called escaping from reality.. but if ur problems are piling up and u dont seems to have the time or be able to solve it.. I guess u will realli react the same way as i do.......